and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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