im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
