I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
