My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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