sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
