i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
