i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
