I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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