My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
