I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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