Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
