I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
