Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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