dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
