my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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