A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
