I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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