we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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