This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
