I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We are two peas in an std pod
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
