I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
