Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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