Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
