tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
