Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
