Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
