So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
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Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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