So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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