So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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