You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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