Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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