We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
