HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
