So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
