dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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