Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
