I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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