you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
