It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
