I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
