WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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