At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
