I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
