A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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