So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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