ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
