fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
