I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your cock deserves a montage
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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