The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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