I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
