True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
