Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
