my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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