so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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