I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
