Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
