I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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