we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
