theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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