my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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