Already got asked if we're dating
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
