Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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