She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just invented taco cereal.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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